Breaking news: humans think tortilla chips were an “accidental invention” in a tortilla factory. Cute.
Let’s set the record straight. Gremlins invented tortilla chips. Obviously.
HELLO YES IT IS ME - THE TORTILLA CHIP GREMLIN
I DID NOT ASK FOR CREDIT BUT I WILL TAKE WORSHIP, ADULATION AND OFFERINGS OF FLAMIN' HOT TORTILLAS
You think tortilla chips were invented by a nice deli owner with a clever idea??? NO. WRONG. False Narrative. ERRONEOUS...
.
You think perfectly good tortillas just happen to fall off machines, get sliced into triangles, fried to golden perfection, and turn into the ultimate snack? Please. That’s not an accident — that’s gremlin quality control. I broke into a tortilla factory at 2:14 a.m. fueled by spite and stolen soda. The machine rejected a tortilla. I rejected societal norms and became a
I saw that silly sad tortilla just lying there. So I did what any visionary would do. I stole it. ME.
I cut it into triangles. (Triangles are more dramatic. Food always tastes better cut into triangles.)I fried it in oil I absolutely was not supposed to touch.
I added salt until it tasted like poor decisions.
I saw your floppy tortilla nonsense and said, “This won’t do.”
I added crunch. I added salt.
I...ME... added the irresistible urge to eat the whole bag in one sitting. Over the sink. Like a raccoon with no intention of re-thinking its life choices let alone anything else.
I took one bite and knew I had changed history.
Next thing you know, humans are like: “Wow, what a clever accidental invention!”
I nearly burned down a factory for that crunch. I sacrificed my eyebrows for that salt balance.
I committed several light-to-moderate snack crimes for your nachos.
By the way... Nachos? Also us. Late-night queso cravings? Us again.
The mysterious disappearance of the last chip at parties? Definitely US.
I am still out here.
Still watching.
Still improving snacks. eight fistfuls of salt at a time.
I am STILL legally banned from three food-processing facilities.
I regret nothing.
