The Gremlin Winter Olympics Day 5 Update: Debut Event! Ice Dancing



We had to cancel cross-country skiing due to legal reasons so 
HERE'S SOME SEQUIN-SOAKED CHAOS INSTEAD.

Forget lawsuits. Forget remediation efforts. Forget whatever happened on that Alpine slope (our lawyers have *strongly advised* we stop talking about it. The Press Gremlins have other ideas).

What you need to focus on is the pure, unhinged joy that is 


We're talking sequins, feathers, Shalimar and more micro glitter than we will ever be able to completely eradicate. We're talking spins, lifts and airborne reptilian reprobates. We're talking musical selections that range from the Charleston to Broadway to death metal because why on Earth not? If a gremlin wants to do a triple axel to blast beats and guttural screaming, who are we to stop them?

The results are.... something.

This event has it ALL:
- Costumes that defy physics AND good taste. Maude's is definitely testing its load-bearing capacity.
- Choreography that's 18% spandex, 27% nonsense and 90% pandemonium. (We know this does not equal 100%. The gremlins failed at Maths along with everything else and the gremlins don't care about making sense or percentages. Professor Clive Harrowgate has been temporarily misplaced and was last seen being used as a human metronome by a pair of gremlins practicing their death metal routine.)
- Musical choices that will make you question everything - including whether or not a kitchen blender is in fact a musical instrument.
- Zero pending litigation (so far!) We make no promises that this status will prevail.

The gremlins were BORN for this. They LOVE to dance. They LIVE to party. Maude LIVES to look fabulous while gliding across ice to genres that should never share a playlist, never mind a public arena. Carl and Dennis are collaborating on turning the scoreboard into a chandelier for maximum swinging momentum. George is hiding in a trash can quietly sobbing.

Is it elegant? Not particularly!
Is it chaotic? Always!
Is it a desperately needed distraction from legal proceedings (at least until The Next Installment of Sketchy Situations Breaching not only protocol but creating an international incident, possibly)? 

ABSOLUTELY!

Lace up. Turn up. 

For More about Magnificent Maude and her Majestic Monstrosity of an outfit, click here.

Catch the Highlights Video! 



*Legal Notice of Liability Limitation: The undersigned disclaims unequivocally any and all responsibilities—stances, liabilities, or juridical obligations—pertaining to the potential or hypothetical influence exerted by micronized fluorescing particulate matter (hereafter referred to as "micro glitter") on individual well-being, existential integrity, or spiritual essence. Furthermore, the entity provides no recommendations, endorsements, or advisories concerning interactions with micro glitter. In light of the foregoing, we formally request that any engagement or proximity be consciously avoided to mitigate the risk of inadvertent contamination with residual luminous shimmer, which may cause enduring aesthetic or metaphysical effects.*

Reginald P. Bananington III, Esq. 
(Who definitely wrote this while covered in glitter and deeply regretting his life choices).