OFFICIAL GREMLIN WINTER OLYMPICS 2026 MEDAL COUNT
GOLD MEDALS 🥇
- Ice Dancing (Day 5) - For sequined chaos and structurally impossible costumes
- Ski Mountaineering (Day 9) - For Rapid Crisis Resolution While Maintaining Perfect Hair
- Outstanding Achievement in Actually Doing the Event (Closing Ceremony)
Dennis - 2 Gold
- Ski Mountaineering (Day 9) - For Engineering Ambition Beyond Geological Possibility
- Short Track Speed Skating (Day 13) - For brownie via friction and panic (highest score)
Wicket - 1 Gold
- Nordic Challenge (Day 15) - For Actually Doing the Event While Everyone Else Had a Scandinavian Cultural Festival
Kevin - 1 Gold
- Speed Dating (Day 9) - For Gerald the Turnip and successful romantic vegetable exchange
Snow Hoarders Association - 1 Gold (collective)
- Snowboarding (Day 12) - Best Inventory Management (self-declared)
SILVER MEDALS 🥈
Kevin - 2 Silver
- Nordic Challenge (Day 15) - For Swedish Meatballs That United Gremlins Across Foam Combat Lines
- Most Successful Cultural Contribution (Closing Ceremony)
Maude - 1 Silver
- Biathlon (Day 3) - For Crisis Management Under Adhesive Conditions
BRONZE MEDALS 🥉
- Biathlon (Day 3) - For Outstanding Commitment to Becoming Merchandise
- Luge (Day 8) - For survival (unofficial, awarded by Emotionally Supportive Lobster)
Dennis's Sauna - 1 Bronze
- Nordic Challenge (Day 15) - For Existing Against All Odds and Several Safety Codes
The Mountain - 1 Bronze
- Ski Mountaineering (Day 9) - For Remaining Stationary Despite Tremendous Pressure
SPECIAL AWARDS (CLOSING CEREMONY BOTTLE CAPS)
Daffy - 1 Award
- Most Cheese-Related Injuries
Carl - 2 Awards
Best Misunderstanding of Norwegian- Longest Sustained Philosophical Monologue in a Corner
Dennis - 2 Awards
- Most Creative Use of Duct Tape
- Lifetime Achievement in Jalapeño Voltage
Allan - 1 Award
- Least Structural Integrity While Maintaining Confidence (Five-Shelf BILLY)
Punk - 1 Award
- Best Crocheted Facial Hair
Stripe - 1 Award
- Most Candles Lit in Service of Chaos
Buzzworth - 1 Award
- Best Emotional Support Puppet
HONORABLE MENTIONS
The Surfboard Dolphin - Ski Mountaineering (Day 9) - For Bravery in the Face of Structural Impossibility
The Lutefisk - Nordic Challenge (Day 15) - For Presence (Unexplained/10)
Gerald the Turnip - Speed Dating (Day 9) - For Service as Romantic Offering (slightly nibbled, deeply respected)
Professor Harrowgate - Figure Staking (Day 6) - For maintaining calm while calculating variance
Betty the Cabbage - Freestyle Skiing (Day 11) - For Emotional Support Services to George
MEDAL TABLE BY GREMLIN
Gremlin |
Gold 🥇 |
Silver 🥈 |
Bronze 🥉 |
Special Awards 🏅 |
Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Maude |
3 |
1 |
0 |
0 |
4 |
Kevin |
1 |
2 |
0 |
0 |
3 |
Dennis |
2 |
0 |
0 |
2 |
4 |
George |
0 |
0 |
2 |
0 |
2* |
Wicket |
1 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
1 |
Carl |
0 |
0 |
0 |
2 |
2 |
Daffy |
0 |
0 |
0 |
1 |
1 |
Allan |
0 |
0 |
0 |
1 |
1 |
Punk |
0 |
0 |
0 |
1 |
1 |
Stripe |
0 |
0 |
0 |
1 |
1 |
Buzzworth |
0 |
0 |
0 |
1 |
1 |
*George also awarded himself 17 homemade medals, bringing his self-declared total to 19
NON-GREMLIN MEDAL WINNERS
Dennis's Sauna - 1 Bronze (still steaming)
The Mountain - 1 Bronze (unimpressed)
Snow Hoarders Association - 1 Gold (collective, self-declared)
- Bob received no medals but achieved 148 flavors of wrong (personal best)
- The Emotionally Supportive Lobster requires a raise. The petition currently has 672 entries. George signed on behalf of Betty.
- Stockholm has requested we never do this again.
- Dennis is banned from: mountains, rudders, pulleys, surfboards, skips, dumpsters, and the phrase "what if we just"